i hope and i plan that this escape will be worth it. i'm posting this in advance. so i am not pulling any disappearing act where you can't actually find me. okay? its only a week. i sincerely wish things that has not been smooth will work out soon with time. we are constantly sorting out our life, therefore its a constant phase of adjusting, there is no one time or ultimate solution but i guess a lot people is able to start somewhere which is better than not starting or trying at all. and for people who jumpstart faster, they progress faster, so i need to buck up too.
this is like testing yet another limit. what am i really trying to prove? i dont know. i think its that sense of gratification that i am capable to do this on my own to satisfy myself. i also know that it will always be something i have to do alone, it does feel lonely, but then it also tells me that i am also use to not having anyone and yet be quite happy myself. i think the overall objective for this trip is that i am and i will be able to push myself best when i am alone and doing what i desire to do and take action on my plans.
but ... why then do i feel so empty?
maybe... i find it difficult to see beyond myself and always think that i myself can only make myself happy.