a slap on my face

this is shocking but the feeling of getting slap ignite the withdrawal syndromes in me, it makes me want to run away again and again, like there's no point in even caring for something when you feel the invisible slap yourself. im not sure if everyone goes through this once in a while (or often?)

i click on certain pages of friends facebook just to see how everyone is doing since i have sometime; it felt like i am forced to withdraw myself from a life that excludes me because of how things has changed, i know we cant include everyone in our life, but it so shocking how the weigh changes, in the past till now, the meaning of existence for someone in someone's life, sometimes i wonder what i can do to love the world, and actually show it but i know not everyone needs your love because its not what they need at that moment in time.

sometimes someone you care about so much, ie your cousin, never seemed to reply your msg but post a million msgs on her friend's page. thats a real slap in the face. but i guess its a phase, friends are always more fun and share more things, because being the bigger cousin means my msgs tend to sound like more like an advice than a fun wall post.

maybe someone you care about so much in the past and has lost contact with but you do care about how they're doing now when you're back in touch on facebook, and realize you cant click with them on the topics the same way you use to click and whatever you do or whatever you say is actually reduce to redundancy because the care you show didnt really mean anything because it just doesnt click anymore. thats another slap in the face.

someone you may just know recently, and that may be inappropriate to show your care too much and overdose them with it, its a connundrum you just dont know what to do or where to start sometimes.

someone who you may have never have anything to talk about, one fine day, share the exact same ideas, the exact same taste, same hobby, same something, you want to care but you can't because all this while you have NOT been caring, so do you start now? maybe you should.

im not sure if this make any sense to anyone, but im just saying because the more i want to care about someone, i realize sometimes they are the ones i want to run away from because i cant face them, i cant face rejection, i need to grow up. when will i ever grow up?