Wednesday, August 1, 2012

the Calvin Harris coincidence

things have been shockingly... ultra shocking.

my true story.

sometimes when many signs happened and you feel that its linked but you just don't know what and just BEFORE it materialize into a comprehensible coincidence, you don't really give it much thought. And if its a feel good sign you definitely accept it and not worry about it and finally something came along and it all kinda make sense to you that the signs that you have been experiencing earlier make sense at this point.

Just like Symborza's poem "Every beginning is but a continuation, and the book of events is never more than half open." Obviously coincidences never stop, whatever we experienced now will always shape the next step we take and I wish I can find a way to describe this amazing feeling of finally piecing the coincidence together

one of the most beautiful things in life are things unplanned and most probably not your comfort zone either, which is so unlike me cos i MUST PLAN! one day, a dear friend called me up for a super last minute scuba diving trip to Padang, Indonesia. That was very sweet of her knowing what I have been trying to do to get over all these stupid relationship and work mess. Obviously I have no clue what im signing up myself for, i just knew i want to get out of this city and work and people for that solitary. I think i am ready to piece myself together again and find ways to discover what makes me feel good about being myself again. And so I booked the tickets 3 days before departure despite the travel agents refusal to let me on the trip.

2 days before the departure, I have the car all to myself, while driving Calvin Harris (ft David Guetta) "Feel So Close" was playing on the radio and that was (1) morning heading to office, by lunchtime i was certainly very upset and decided to treat myself with a good lunch and wax session and head to Bangsar, (2) song came on as i drove out of the carpark, and once i've treated myself with the most painful wax experience again, and (3) heading back to the office, it started playing again, at that point i was already going "whoa..." this is freakish. (4) and the fourth time the song played at  the end of the day, I was seriously all creeped a very good way because its such a feel good song!

The day of departure, again it was very unlike to almost missed my flight! Why? because of the all night partying, literally rush from Changkat to LCCT,  sprint to the customer service counter because the the check in counter was closed, thanks to one of the staff who helped print the boarding pass instead of denying entry, and I barely made it on board, other friends who were suppose to be on the same flight were there earlier but they missed the flight! Weird but true and I don't even have my phone with me, thinking I've probably lost it, I feel nothing. There is no one in this world that I needed to contact nor have them contact me, apart from the obligatory text to parents, my phone is suddenly, useless to me, honestly there is no one in my life that I needed other than myself. That was another weird feeling...

I was exhausted still upon reaching Padang looking like a surfers paradise judging from the surfboards, by the time I reach the guesthouse, I was exhausted but I was kinda happy because apparently I was the only guest, yay!!!! Well my friends will arrive tomorrow but the first day I have my me time all to myself!!! Me time is so important. Sometimes I think I am socially inept to keep up a normal conversation.

The owner of the guesthouse Bob, and also another dive instructor, Chris, came and talked to me, I noted Chris immediately cos I remember we were on the same flight from his RedBull cap, very nice. They sorted me out cos I do not have any plans anyway and went surfing with Chris. Surfing, for the first time, that's a really really big deal, another first. And I think I might just like it enough to sign up for a proper course and it reminded me of Scott who took his first surfing trip in Bali too, i guess little things like these will still remind me of my past once in a while.

Now, the point of the coincidence is, I needed music since I lost my phone, I have none. I was talking to Chris and asked if he has any, he has this tablet thingy with music stored and he said of course! After some scrolling he decided to play..... that Calvin Harris song. no F joke. I mean, you cannot ignore this coincidence anymore. Yes its a hit song everywhere but the point that someone actually played that tune first off the list so it was definitely a whoa, freaky moment. I definitely feel comfortable around Chris just cos he is blunt and frank to put it simply, doesn't sugar coat things and may sometimes shock you with his remarks, yet I still don't feel comfortable enough to be my complete self around him, but somehow it helps me when random strangers talk to me because I just don't really know the state I am in either so their vibe helps to seek out what you feel about yourself too. I told him how many times I heard this song that one day and that it's just weird that he would pick this too, and that song was answered my questions about the signs.

Anyway that's not even the weirdest part, we all went separate ways after arriving in LCCT, friends took taxi, Chris the kwai lo obviously had to deal with long immigration queue, we all said our byes and hugs etc, now the timing was just too weird, I did something I usually don't do, one because I lost my phone, I called the office with a public phone to check with my colleague who apparently found it, after that I bought a booster juice to fill up my hunger instead of McDonalds, while walking to the buses I lost my AirAsia bus tickets so screw that. I decided to get onto the first bus that is departing and pick the front seat as usual and start my Japanese language revision again for the exam that evening. It was a freaking long wait, bunch of liars! But as I was reading I was also reliving the memories of the short holiday trip, nothing very significant overall about the trip but somehow very significant to me because I feel some kind of unknown joy when I have space to myself in a completely new place where no one really knows me and I can be myself. 

The next thing you know, like, the NEXT thing you know, after a long time of the bus not moving, Chris came up to the bus and sat right down beside me, yeap, same bus, I think he was as shocked as I was, when he saw me the same time when I saw him, okay maybe not the word shock, but it was just, come on, there are soooo many buses lined up and it could be any bus and they depart almost 5 to 10mins apart from each other and what are the odds???? So thank god for him, there's music again, and it was sweet of him to put Calvin Harris on again (i'm still not tired of it!), its like the "our song" thing, haha, that was really funny and then we talked, I really made the effort to try to say what's on my mind, and I truly truly struggle, but he got the point anyway, and saved me from embarrassing myself many times, and suggested maybe email could work for me if I wanted to talk instead. He definitely got that right.

Something about his past and my past, made the conversation slightly easier but not entirely for me to be myself, I maybe 30% there to be able to even consider talking about it, honestly, I am still very afraid to open up to people about what has happened and how I am still not able to cope and I go into the "shutdown" mode. It was too short a ride to find that courage to say what's on my mind to him because apart from knowing friends, I think this is the first step I need to is letting people to know, "this is who i am" kinda deal, and I want to start to trust in strangers and be myself instead of locking it up inside and forever pretend that the past never happened. I really am going to try and in this scenario, Chris, to talk about it with him, I feel awkward I will holdback from talking again because of the fear of when people know too much about you, you're being judge, or maybe I could choose not to talk about it at all, I don't know, I still struggle, sigh.

The point is, there are some things that happened in our lives and I think that this coincidence is a good way to trigger us into believing that there is a good possibility when you start believing in coincidence. And I think having that Calvin Harris song linked me to someone random like Chris does help, the next step, whatever it will be... it will just be. 

I went back to work the next day, now this is freaky even more similarities and coincidence from here, Steve Aoki's Pursuit of Happiness remix was on my playlist all last week, and I even blogged this poster which you will see below before leaving for Padang "quit your job, buy a ticket, get a tan, fall in love, never return".

Why? Chris and I added each other on facebook and both these were on Chris's wall too just before Padang. I mean, it has been a little bit tad too coincidence that random people around the world like him also shared almost the same thing you shared the same time you are. The timing is just too eerily close.

I think its a good indication that things are really coming together and even when friends are not around for me, random strangers could also be someone you could trust and a chance to understand that it is okay to be yourself because people you meet on trips or anywhere do come and go, you may never see them again but they do appear at that point in your life to tell you that everything will be alright.