Sunday, July 22, 2012

a looming deadline

that's what happens when you fill up your weekdays with classes
AND weekends with extra work!

i couldn't be there for a friend when she needed a friend,
(but thank god for other friends!)
i couldn't complete an assignment on time,
(and no one to help me but myself, darn!)
i had to choose between 3 activities all on the same date (dammit!)
honestly, between diving, rock climbing, abseiling,
a quick Singapore trip, i really want to do all of it!

i couldn't believe what i've gotten myself into...
all these activities, adventures, just to kill all the time i have,
so that i can just stop STOP STOP STOP
thinking about you, wondering about you, guessing about you!
it seems that even if i filled up my hours
right from 8am to 10pm and until i go to bed,
you would still manage to slip into my mind in between those breaks,
when driving, at the pantry, waiting for taxi,
sitting in the train, walking in the mall, talking to someone,
my mind even wanders off halfway through
my intense class and its all memories from the past,
i must and i just want to shut you out of my life
because it is going to break me,
you are going to break me,
 no matter which way i see this, you are going to hurt me.

these stress are starting to bog me down,
now i escape to this space just to vent,
its like wanting someone to understand me and hold me
and yet refusing anyone into my world and keep up the pretence,
because its really none of their business to care about me
and yet i crave understanding from people who are sincere,
1 minute, i am completely fine alone, and suddenly,
1 minute, i feel like i lost all my bearings when i think of you,
how the hell can this happen when you have done nothing to me...???

whatever, i better get back to work again.
argh, i need inspiration to complete it!!!F. 

i believe this could just be my imagination about you
and i just want to shut you off completely, COMPLETELY.
because in the end someone is going to get hurt,
and being the one who cares about you more,
the one getting hurt will always be me, always.

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