Friday, July 13, 2012

people you meet

its been a while since i checked fb.
friends uploads & notifications were like massive!
and came across a note posted by Fitria (or 3)
on one of my picture, well the note is at the bottom of this post... 

it was kinda lovely, to have a complete stranger,
summarize it in one line, positively of course,
its one of those "pick me up" lines,
that will just come around and help you,
on your really really down days.

i still remember the first day when i met 3 and his wife on the island,
age is not a matter, he may only be 24 and she 19,
but somethings are universe and it transcends the age,
that night sitting by the beach, hit by tsunami 8 years ago,
hearing the waves lapping the shore like crazy,
as if swallowing the sands and rocks with every gulp,
with the wind blowing everything possible away from the ground,
it was so noisy so chaotic and there was no one around,
i was completely alone, complete stranger on the island,
and there they are listening to my story all evening,
well, first i guess they had to,haha, cos i was the house guest,
and they listened and listened, made me dinner, cheered me up,

no one knew, but i chose to travel on my birthday, it was very emotional,
i never wanted to celebrate my birthday with anyone but you,
it was suppose to be this this this and that and its now all gone,
i was feeling sorry to myself, feeding into all the negative emotions,

finally, all 3 said, before i went to bed was something like,
"just enjoy your holiday, its a beautiful island for diving"
and for the rest of the week we never spoke about my story.
it was on my mind all week, but as life unfolds, it replaces it,

1 week later...
its one of those life changing days and week
which you do not realize until many weeks or years down the road

it was the last night, and just before i go to bed for an early boat out,3 came and asked me "so how are you now?" immediately i knew that he was referring to the stories on my first day, that everything will eventually be alright, i just needed time, a lot of time, to get over it, to forgive myself and others, to stop punishing and accept fate, i may never be able to change anything but at least i'm open to learn about life, and i think not everyone will agree with how fluid i want to be, i have no desire to stick to one ideal personality, that only tells me i'm refusing change, i know i dislike changes as long in a lot of people's eyes, but to me as long as its a change i choose, then nothing else matters, it doesnt matter if the whole world think its wrong for me to bring Herbie along when I travel, (haha!), i concluded that the resistance about this whole episode that has fallen apart was, i felt forced into it, i had no choice but to accept it, but now i have a choice, i must make it my choice, not yours, not my family, not friends, not anyone, but a choice that is selfish to me, the idea is very scary, to be selfish when it comes to happiness, i just can't understand it, but it seems like its the only way to forget you... 

at that time i didn't have an answer for him, but i smiled, i was at peace, and i also knew, that was the night where our story has to come to an end, it was only time, that we will completely shut each other out of our lives and move on, i miss you terribly and yet i knew that somewhere out there underneath the sky, you too, had to make that choice, i will never know the truth about us, maybe it is really best to keep it this way, the story is always better, unknown. we made an epic, and sequel will never be the same...

basically Fitria wrote something very simple in a picture of us together:
slalu menghadapi tantangan dengan senyum man
it means "always face the obstacles with a smile"

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