volunteer is the only word my head recognize. it could be anything and i started out with sports volunteer and i feel ready to take another step forward to another type of volunteer...
at first i just wanted to do this alone because it felt like no one is going to understand why in the world would anyone in their right mind pack a small bag and just go to this strange unknown land to train and in future hope to contribute those skills to people in need during most earth shattering disasters..... i am not writing this because of another earthquake or another bombing or another war... there is only so much we can hear and there is a little bit more we can do in our own little ways...
so i guess choosing to head to this volunteer training alone can force another part of me to be independent, and then i realize, i actually wanted a companion, someone who may be able to advice me on different perspective too if i start to doubt my ability.... in the darkest hours i question my strength sometimes....
i have no prior training to any life saving skills, CPR or even the ability to calm down in the face of disaster, but i somehow believe, i can be prepared now and later be strong enough to see it through that someone can survive just because there is one extra person in this world who will be able to extend that help, and i want to be that person.
i am no mother theresa i dont even think im close to even a nurse trainee, but nothing is going to stop me from taking this first step (FINALLY!!!) to be involved in the field of emergency medical responder or disaster relief volunteer.
in short, i am obssesed about human survival and immediate action that can be taken after a disaster, it was Tsunami 2004, i remember watching the news, i feel so helpless, sitting in the living room, watching people dying, it kills me there is nothing i can do, i went into the room, and did the stupidest in the world, i just sat and cry, what could i do? and i was so afraid that i wasnt able to do anything all i knew what i could do was to hope for the best for those who is in the brink of death and all i knew was i could only give donation, and what else can i do? and then things just started happening one after another, it could happen to us, it could happen to my family, and i dont think i can ignore this anymore, i dont think i could just stay in this very safe, mundane 9 to 5 job and tell myself that im happy ... no i want to be out there, i want to be useful, even if it means helping someone to cough out a clog of dust or pulling someone's hand when they have no more strength to walk or build a shelter or take a kid in for warm food, anything, anything at all, yes i do love my job now, when it doesnt sucks or my boss is not being a pain, but it hurts me so to think i am not doing enough and i cant live with myself, i am disappointed too, yes i am safe right now, but i cant just sit and bear with these... no one can save the world alone, well, apart from superman, but i can be in the midst of things as this small fragment and somehow extend what i have in me, and hope there is a glimmer of light where survival is possible and do everything to make that possible for as many people as i can...
frankly, this is also quite a selfish thought, when it feels right i will do it, when it doesnt i have to convince myself to do it, why waited so long? i felt that maybe i was ignorant, i thought the world will become better someday and that my time will come someday, and i never took the first step, this is 6 yrs later, and in between those years, little things here and there made some difference, but this time it is more drastic, i chose my next step with Mercy Malaysia's volunteers training, i do not know what to expect.... i look at the list of things to pack and im very very keen to learn like a sponge...
and the training is this coming and next weekend, would you care to join me?
http://www.mercy.org.my/0910060603»Volunteer_with_Us.aspx
No comments:
Post a Comment